Her Mom's Hands.

God Bless Wendy. She was one of the first Chaldean women in the USA. She came straight to Detroit, with her brother, not knowing a soul. Since she was one of the first to be here - there wasn't many people she could talk to so I guess she decided she better learn to speak english fast. She did. She graduated from Mumford, started beauty school and made her living in a salon (beauty parlor back then.)

She got married and raised a family. She never once wanted to go back to her country. She was an American.

Wendy cooked her ass off. She could put Emeril, Rachael Ray and the best of em to shame. She would make enough food for 30 people just in case someone came over and was hungry. Her daughter Ann, never interested in learning how to cook but always interested in eating would never learn her mothers craft. For 30 years we told Wendy to open a restaurant but she never did.

If you lived within 3 blocks of Wendy's house you were fat. I think you know why.

If you scratched your toe she would make a big pot of rice and stew. If your best friends, uncles, cousin from marriage would die. Wendy would bring a platter of homemade something to the house. Trust me - everything on that platter would be gone. Maybe, the plate got licked.

When we were younger Wendy would take us to the beach. Not to swim. Not to play in the sand but to EAT! Sandwiches, fruit, drinks, snacks, and whatever else would fit in the cooler and 3 bags. We went to Cedar Point. The station wagon held 8 but only 6 could go because of the food.

Wendy never used a recipe card and never used a measuring cup or spoon. She has tried teaching people how to cook but none have learned. It was just Wendy's hands. Her style. Her touch.

For years Wendy has made this one dish that I love. I love all of her dishes and she will share her secrets. I decided to ask her to teach me or just give me the ingredients for this one meat dish. She did.

I bought all 8 of the things she told me to buy. She explained in detail exactly what to do down to the way you shape the meat once it's all mixed together.

Ground beef, All Spice, garlic, salt, pepper, bread crumbs and some other stuff. I couldn't wait to go home and have my kitchen smelling as beautiful as hers.

I mixed it all up and BAM! I made the dish and it came out tasting like a hamburger. I asked Wendy what did I do wrong? Why didn't it taste like a great Arabic dish? She asked me "did you buy all of the stuff I told you to?" I said "yes." She said "did you fry it in oil?" I said "YES! What did I do wrong?" Then her daughter-in-law said "You know Wendy doesn't use measurements. She just knows how much to put in with her fingers." Ding Dong the bells went off. I didn't know how much to put in. Anyone want cheese on their burger?

Are you sure you want to go there?

1. That picture above is Tupac Shakur. He was a rapper/singer.

2. If you are white don't wear Apple Bottoms. We don't have an Apple Bottom.

3. Don't walk around saying slang words that you don't know the meaning.

4. Don't say "fo sheezy my neezy"

Today - 2 guys broke all of the rules.

I was at Meijer. There were two white guys. Both had their pants hanging way below regulation. I could see their boxers. Both had on Doo-Rags. White boys can't get waves. It wasn't cute. They were old enough to know better. I wanted to tell them.

There is nothing "ghetto" or "hard" about shopping at Meijer but they were trying. I was in the soup isle - they were too. I went in the bread department - they were too. I was sick of looking at them and sick of hearing them. Did that ever happen to you? There was a screaming kid that came in the same time you did and you just happen to be in the same place at the same time your entire shopping trip? Annoying I tell ya!

I wanted to tell these guys something so bad. They looked dumb and every word that came out of their mouths were equally as dumb. They called tuna fish "whack." They said they were going to steal bacon.

At first I was amused at them. I looked at them up and down several times trying to figure them out but I couldn't. Was one of them shopping for their mom? Did they live together? What was their story?

After a few spins down aisle 1, 2 and 3 one of them starting getting a pimp walk in aisle 4. I guess cereal does that to you. The words were on the tip of my tongue but I forced them not to come out. Something very hard for me to do.

Then they did it. Yep, right in front of my eyes. I almost fell on the floor at Meijer. I could hear the lady over the loud speaker "Earl clean up in aisle 8. Lady on the floor" You got it...aisle 8 ohhh you better know what you're doing in aisle 8. Like a person that just had gastrointestinal surgery going down cake, frosting, pudding row. You just don't go to certain places. For those of you that don't know aisle 8 is the Kosher food section. That's what aisle 8 is for. YIKES...what were these two clowns doing around matzo meal, shabbot candles and gefilte fish? Surely, they made a wrong turn. Nope...they didn't. I guess even the toughest gangsters from da' hood get a craving for Halvah once in a while. The one with the pimp walk told the other that "Halvah is da bomb."

"Earl, clean up in Aisle 8...for real this time."

Take a Hike IKE

Remember a few days ago I told you that I love hurricanes and massive weather?

OH GOD I LIED! Go ahead and blame me for the high gas prices. It's all my fault. Well, don't just sit there - throw an egg at me.

I was up almost all night watching CNN and the reporters flying in the wind doing their reports. Tree trunks were flying by. A heavy metal garbage dumpster was floating away. They just stood there, trying their hardest to keep their hood on their heads. They were soaked to the bone. I sat there amazed at this idiot for being in the midst of Ike talking about "we are almost at the eye of the storm." Does that mean he's going to stand there for the 2nd half of the storm? Dummy. How much could he make a year? The people in their houses, hiding under the covers, windows being blown out and glass everywhere were scared 1/2 to death but this guy was standing outside, holding an electronic mic and the dumb camera man was wiping the lens every .2 seconds. I hope he's ok today. I'll tune in later to find out.

That Ike is causing me to stay home until October. That's when gas prices are supposed to come down. HA HA HA, LMAO, LOL @ supposed to come down. Go down to what? Gas prices should be like the terror alert color symbols.

Green = You can afford to have a little fun. Go out for a Sunday drive. Visit friends and take that little trip out of town.

Yellow = Go to work, visit a friend or two on the weekend. Take the family to Frankenmouth.

Orange = Car pool, come home, go grocery shopping and a movie.

Blue = Wait until your gas light comes on then put $5.00 in just in case someone has to be rushed to the emergency room.

Red = Quit work cuz you can't afford to drive on your car pool week. Walk everywhere and during the night check the neighbors garage for gas cans and empty them in your tank.

I'm at code red. My car is parked and will stay there. My car uses premium gas and according to today's gas prices I aint goin nowhere.

Food prices will be going up and the only people that will be flying anywhere will be the people that can afford to wipe their butts with $50.00 bills.

Today I went to Meijer for my weekly toilet paper run. $6.00 for 8 rolls of toilet paper. It's cheaper to wipe with a slice of cheese.

HA HA HA

Remember when you used to blow bubbles?

I saw him yesterday - he told me to tell you hi.

Waves

Right now as you read and I write - I am in the midst of a migrane headache. I get them two or three times a year. It's so humid out and my hair is one big curl. If I look in the mirror right now I wouldn't be able to see it because the start of my migrane is having blind spots when I try to look at something. Seems like someone took my picture with a really bright flash and my eyes can't adjust. I would never make it as a model. I also see wavy lines in the corners of my eyes. At first it used to scare me but now I welcome the warning signs. I lay down and wait for the headache to come.

Sometimes the headache is so bad it makes me sick to my stomach and I'm out of commission or sometimes it's just a mild headache and goes away fast with a short nap. Looking at the computer screen doesn't help at all but I already took my 2:00 p.m. nap and don't feel like laying down right now. I've been watching Hurricane Ike on CNN. I think I have a headache? Texas is having a bigger one. I can't keep my eyes off CNN and The Weather Channel. It's amazing what Mother Nature is doing. Not an Advil nor a Tylenol can help them right now. Don't worry Texas they don't help me either.

Let's ride the waves together.

Shop, Swipe and Go

I always thought you just needed one credit card. One with a high enough balance for a just in case or an I have to have it. I asked for one. I got it and then they just started appearing in my mailbox. I never asked for more. I guess Visa, Mastercard, Discover and American Express thought I should be a card carrying member. They knew what they were doing because as soon as I got a new card I would run. Not to the drawer to cut it up but to the store.

I got my first credit card when I was 16. I forged Geana's signature and made her my co-signer. She didn't know it - later found out and wasn't too happy. Remember Ton Sur Ton? Used? Damaged? Well, I thought I should have them too. Sax Fifth was thrilled to give me credit and I was happy to accept. I didn't have a job so when the bill came I threw it in the garbage. Years later when Geana decided to get a bank card with her checking account she found out. I think I was 30 by then. I had 6 credit cards, financed 3 cars and my credit was perfect. Sax was tired of asking for their money for 24 years and just gave up.

Now, credit cards are used more than money. I've tried paying with cash in several places. Sometimes the register didn't have change for my bill so I had to either write a check or pay by credit card.

It's a shame that credit cards are so lax these days. Swipe, sign and go. If your bill is under $25.00 you don't even have to sign at some places. This has become scarry. ANYONE can go to a gas station with any credit card and fill er up. You can go to Meijers, buy enough groceries to feed 3 pro football teams for a week and they won't ask you for ID. What happened to policy? I wrote on the back of my credit cards "CHECK ID" in the signature line and no one checks it. When I buy cigarettes for $4.25 they sometimes check my ID (because I look too young to smoke?) but when I fill my car up for $75.00 they don't ask to see a thing.

How did stores get so lazy with people's credit? Times are tough now, people are stealing and everything is so fast and rush rush plus it seems you can get away with too much. It's time to buckle down and teach these store clerks. Next time you pay with your credit card give them your license with it. Maybe they'll catch on.

Please read and sign here X_______________________________________

How Could You Do That?

TRUE STORY

Date: September twenty something, 2001.

Place: A club

Bobby and I went clubbing. We don't dance and don't drink but we went to listen to the music and watch the people. It was fresh after 9-11. Everyone was still talking about the attack on the World Trade Center Towers, the plane crash and the Pentagon. The news was still reporting and having special reports about the terrorists.

The tasteless D.J. started talking on the mic and then played "You Dropped the Bomb on Me." I couldn't believe it.

Bobby wrote the club and they sent us free passes to come back - we threw them in the garbage.

Enough said.