EWWW! What is that?!?!?!

What you're looking at is a mole. That's not what we're here for today. Not this mole but the mole or moles that are on people - FAMOUS PEOPLE'S faces.

Before we get to the mole issue I first want to address John McCain and his huge jaw. Ever see the show American Guy? His jaw is very big. Since American Guy is a cartoon and John McCain isn't I'm assuming that if he is elected President there will be so many jokes about him he might run out of the White House back to Arizona faster than we can say BIG JAW JOHN. Can't he do what Michael Jackson did to his nose? Get it reduced, suck the fat out or get it sawed down. OK, my piece about that is done. Let's get back to moles.

Jennifer Granholm has em, Sarah Jessica Parker has one and that other chick (the whore) has one too. That's two people, one show, two moles. How did that big brown mole above your lip get so popular? Why is it considered sexy? If you aren't famous and you have a big mole...chances are you have hair growing out of it. Did Ms. Monroe make that mole popular? Come on and admit it...you've used an eye liner and self made a mole just to see how you'd look with one. You were putting mascara on one day and thought..."hey, I think i'll put a little dot above my lip." You did, forgot it was there and scratched it and walked around with a black smudge on your mouth all day and no one told you. ADMIT YOU DID IT!

So, the mole is considered sexy huh? It's a growth, it's a mass of tissue, it grows hair and you have to remember to pull it out once in a while. Why is it cute? If I had a big wart on my nose would it be considered cute? No, because Paris Hilton doesn't have one.

EXCITING!

Am I sick to be so facinated by hurricanes? I love them. Don't get me wrong I feel bad for what they do and the people they hurt/kill but the fact that a hurricane is coming is so exciting! I've never been in a hurricane but I can bet if I lived in a place that has them I'd be tired of it's distruction. It's an expensive love. Not for me but the people it effects. It must be hard to evacuate so many times. Board up your house, hide or take the valuables, the pets, gas up the car and run for your life during August, September and October only to find out it was a wimpy tropical storm.

Come to find out...I'm not the only one that shares this passion. There are many weather freaks out there. I love violent weather. Give me a tornado, a bad thunderstorm, a huge ice storm and a monsoon anytime. I think I could handle it. I was in one bad bad storm once and I loved it. It was so scarry because you are helpless but you know you're safe. Strange isn't it? Why do people stay when the authorities tell you to leave? I never understood that.

Let me tell you about the storm I was in. I lived in Detroit on Lindsay and no one was home. The girls were with their grandmother, Bobby was at work and my mom was at her house. We had a huge German Shepherd named Reggie and all of a sudden the sky got real dark. It was late afternoon but looked like it was in the middle of the night. The sirens were blaring and you couldn't hear a sound. I grabbed Reggie, a bottle of water and we scooted downstairs. I hate basements. I don't know which one scared me worst - the basement or the storm itself. It started raining real hard and the wind was whipping the trees against the house. The thunder was so loud and deep you could hear and feel it on the floor. There was a tiny little storage closet in the basement that had room for either me or Reggie but not both. Of course I stuffed myself in it and just waited. I heard the phone ring. The phone was upstairs. YIKES! What if someone was calling me because they were in trouble. I unstuffed myself out of the closet and ran upstairs like I was on fire, grabbed the cordless phone and flew back downstairs 3 steps at a time and stuffed myself back in the closet. I missed the call but thanks to caller ID I saw the number and before I could figure out who it was the phone rung again. "Hello" I answered. "Hi Pam (said Brandi) I'm just calling to make sure you're alright. Are you scared? Is everything ok?" A tear came to my eye. This 12 year old girl who is frightened by storms called me - a grown woman to make sure I was alright and I never thought about calling her or her sister to see if they were ok. BTW, I still feel bad to this day. After we talked for a few I told her I was in the basement with Reggie and we were fine. blah blah blah and we hung up. My mom didn't call me, my husband didn't call me but my 12 year old daughter called and made sure I was ok. That was the sweetest phone call I've ever received. Minutes later I came out to see if the sky had gotten lighter but it didn't. I felt dumb sitting in a closet so I got out and decided to do some wash while I was downstairs. All of a sudden lightning struck the cable box and it caught on fire right above the window. Thank God it was raining so hard because the rain put the little fire out. It was a scarry storm and it passed. Come to find out there was a tornado in Detroit and it tore apart someones garage but everyone was fine.

Weather is exciting.

Dirty Fish and a Murder

A whole new world has opened up for me. Since I consider myself retired I started doing what retired people do. I go out for lunch with the girls, I shop, go out of town during the week and go fishing.

Bebe and I fish on the Detroit River. Why? Because I have no idea where else to go. The river is huge and has a variety of fish. The only fish I will eat is whitefish, salmon and tuna. There aren't any of those fish in the Detroit River and if there was I don't think I would eat it.

The river is dirty. On the surface of the river you will see an occasional couch cushion, beer bottle, lots of oil and a random shoe or McDonalds french fry container. In some places the water stinks. Not a nice fresh fish smell but an odor you can't describe. When you get a whiff you pack up and relocate. This isn't odd. All the fishermen/women know about it.

I've been fishing since about June and til this day have only caught one fish that was pretty small and I threw him back because first of all there is a regulation on the size you can keep and second of all it's mean.

It's fun to go down to the shore and talk to the other fisherpeople. Everyone is there for one reason and it's nice to swap fishing stories and just chit chat while waiting for a catch.

My first fishing excursion was when I was a young girl. A neighborhood dad Mr. Milstein used to take me to Kensington Beach and we'd get in a boat and sit out there and have a good ole time. Later in life my Papa took me fishing and we would have a blast. Since none of these fine men are in my life anymore I decided I would have a go at it myself.

It's so relaxing sitting there, watching the water and not caring if you catch anything or not.

What happened during one of my fishing trips is why I'm writing this. When you go fishing on a hot day you can bet you won't catch anything. The fish stay at the bottom and unless you have expert equiptment, nice bright real dyed green neon worm. IF you don't have those things you might at well stay home. I always manage to get a green neon worm from one of the guys out there. Anyway...there was a whole group of people along with their kids fishing where I would normally fish. They were nice, we exchanged hello's and I started to do my thing. After a good 30 minutes of hearing the mom of the kids tell them to "sit the fuck down," "shut the hell up" and telling the young boy to "piss by the tree" I had enough. I started packing up my things when all of a sudden I heard the woman scream "HELP!" and she was laughing. She had a bite on her line. The man in the group started helping her. They pulled out a HUGE fish. I was so impressed but very jealous. How in the world could these people catch a fish? They were loud. I thought fish would have swam away from them. So, they held the fish up for us all to see. I've never seen a fish like that before and being in the Detroit River who knows what it could have been but I asked and the guy said "Sheephead." I never heard of a sheephead fish before but took his word for it. He asked me if I wanted it. I though he was joking and said no. He told me you couldn't eat that kind of fish and I told him I wouldn't eat any kind of fish from the river even if I caught it in a can with a picture of Charlie on it. What he did next made me so mad. He beat the fish to death with his fishing net. The fish curled up and he threw the fish back in the water.

I cried for the fish, I cried for the people and I cried for those kids. I never went to that fishing spot ever again. I have a new place that I go to with nice retired old people that offer Bebe Vienna Sausages and they play with him. If I ever see those murderers again I will be sure to give them a piece of my mind...well maybe not.

Sometimes you Win

My little athlete is so cute. She's brave and she takes everything she does seriously. Just like her dad.

My daughter is on the JV Volleyabll team at her school. This is her 4th year playing. She started in the 7th grade and was quite good for a beginner. When they would play and lose she would cry. It broke my heart and ripped me to shreds because no matter what I said or did I couldn't fix it. Usually I can fix anything that breaks my kids hearts but losing at volleyball...there is nothing to say. I've learned to keep my mouth shut and let her cry it out.

Briana is the only African American girl on the team and has been the only black girl for 4 years. Oh, don't get me wrong - she isn't the token black girl...many have tried but all have failed except for Bri-Bri AKA "The Powerhouse."

She got the name "The Powerhouse" from Brandi and I because her serves are strong and solid. It's hard to fire back after the ball goes over the net from one of her doozie serves. She's shorter than anyone on the team and thicker and her booty says it all - the girl has power!

Of course I am the loudest parent in the entire stands and I scream and yell and coach from the bleachers. I get odd looks from the opposing side but after a few of my "GET THE BALL BACK!" and "COME ON HAWKS!" they start yelling too. After awhile the little gym is belting out screams and shouts louder than a concert Cobo Hall has ever heard.

This little girl that's younger than everyone in the 10th grade has accomplished many things. I'm proud of her. I started her swimming at 6 and she learned how to dive and not be scared. She's a little shark now. We entered her in the city olympics and she brought home metals for riding her Big Wheel faster than anyone and jumping the furthest. She dances like no ones business and has a dance show with the company she's with at least 3 times a month. She plays the Cello, and is a great volleyball player. She has her drivers permit and is only 14.

If she would clean her room I think she would be voted girl of the year.

I Love Garbage

You thought you knew me. I thought I told you everything but I left out this one little secret. I love to garbage pick, dumpster dive, make trash a treasure. tee hee hee.

It all started in the early 90's when my friend Ann and I decided to set up shop at a flea market in South West Detroit. We began our cash making with items from our own homes and made a nice little income from it. Eventually we ran out of stock and had to find more to sell to support our love for cash in our hands on the weekend.

We started garbage picking. Oh the stories and the fun we had. We would find great things from cities all over the Metro Detroit area. We knew which city had garbage night on which day and we would go to work. When people were moving we called it a jackpot! We would put on our gloves, take our time and fill the car up with great finds.

Once in Huntington Woods we found a jackpot. People were moving and left a TON of things at the curb. We got so excited, parked the car and started digging. She started at one end and I started at the other. We were laughing, showing each other what we found and loading the car up. Someone called the police. The policeman asked us Did you know that going through peoples garbage is not allowed in Huntington Woods?" We answered "no." The policeman said "I got a call from a local resident that said 2 drunk girls were going through the garbage and making a mess." We told him we weren't drunk and what kind of mess could you make by going through garbage?" He made us go to the police station, we gave him our names and let us on our way. That didn't stop us. We hit more jackpots in other cities where the people weren't so protective over their garbage.

That summer and many summers to come we kept enough money in our pockets for bingo, going out to eat and other fun things 20 year olds enjoy doing.

I still scan huge heaps of garbage when I see someone that's moving or just cleaning out their house but if I see something I want I will knock on the door and ask if I can have it. Who would say no?

I have found a Louis Vuttion suitcase and garment bag in Huntington Woods, I have a beautiful night stand next to my bed thanks to a resident of Farmington Hills and in my daughters room there is a fun parking meter that someone threw out from Royal Oak. I have no shame in my game.

It's fun and it's free. So, if you ever need something just ask me...I might have it in my garage.

Issues and Tissues

I absolutely HATE buying toilet paper, napkins, facial tissue, paper towels and paper plates. I hate it. It's a waste of money in this house. The kids wipe their pinky on 30 pieces of tissue and then throw it out, in a wad, in the trash can. When I empty the trash and see mounds of tissue untouched except for the first piece I die a little inside. They wipe with facial tissue if they run out of toilet paper instead of getting up and getting a roll of toilet paper...are you following me on this?

A box of facial tissue is $1.39 and a roll of toilet paper is .25 cents. But who cares because they aren't buying it. The kids use one roll of toilet paper a day. They blow their noses with it and they wipe the sink with it. I bet they use it to write letters too.

My paper towel is always gone before I get a chance to put a hand on it. Paper plates? Ya know how they stick together when you try to take one? My daughter had 4 paper plates and didn't know it. She thought she only had one. I died a little more inside.

The casino has these great thick nice paper towels in the VIP restrooms. I grab the entire stack that's put out for about 300 people and stuff them in my purse, take them home and my house uses them in one day. I can't keep up and I can't afford the paper addiction in my house. I'm thinking about going on the show Intervention and getting help for my kids addiction to paper products.

I tell my kids that they will soon be wiping, blowing and cleaning with book pages, newspaper or magazine from now on. They aren't scared.

I have hidden all of the paper products in my closet and will soon be auctioning off one square of toilet paper to the highest bidder.

The funniest thing about this entire story is that when they use a plastic disposable cup and they're done drinking out of it...they put it in the sink to be washed along with the straw. Why can't they do that with the toilet paper? EWWW that's gross but isn't recycling in?

How much is too much?

My youngest daughter has a huge problem. Please tell me if I'm wrong.

2 months ago we got the cell phone bill and on her portion of the bill that shows how many calls, minutes and texts she used for the month couldn't have been correct.

4,115 text messages for one month. It was correct, we have unlimited texting and she didn't get in trouble. I think that was a world record. If I would have done that when I was 14 I would still be paying the bill.

I kid you not.