Bitch Betta' Have My Money!

It's no secret. I'm broke as hell. I used to work for a designer named Maurice Malone. I worked for him in the late 80's or early 90's when he was just breaking into the business. He had a warehouse loft downtown with nothing in it but bolts of material, 10 sewing machines and a very large cutting table. I went to work for him everyday for months.

He ran an ad for his jeans and leather coats in a magazine in the U.K. People would place their orders and I would sew the jackets and jeans. I worked and worked and never got paid.

Now Mr. Maurice Malone is very rich, lives in New York and married to a model. He makes furniture, eyeglasses, tons of clothing and is so couture now he can't stand himself.

He went to Oak Park High and graduated a year after I did.

I e-mailed him. Told him he owed me money. Since I couldn't get it back then I was wondering if I could have it now.

He wrote me back telling me "Do I remember you? hahahahah"

Ha Ha Ha hell! Nothing is funny about it. I wrote him back and included my address.

Bitch betta send my money! Not half - not some - but all MY money!

I'll let ya know how it worked out.

Another Bebe Story

I took Bebe to Petsmart to get Chloe some food. Bebe pee'd all over the store, tried to bite a Pomeranian and left a brown log in the dog treat section. Instead of shopping I was cleaning and apologizing all over the store. On the way out he made his final pee all over an industrial size box of Milk Bones.

The owner of the Pomeranian told Bebe he was a demon dog and growled at him.

When I paid for the food the cashier gave him a cookie and told him "good boy."

I Own a Garage

We have a beautiful 2.5 attached garage. The problem is not even the .5 part will hold a car. I once tried parking my mothers car in it and I broke the house. There is so much junk in the garage there isn't room for a molecule to float around. One time a fly went in the garage and said there was too much stuff in there. If you need anything you can find it in my garage. You need a harmonica? Yep, it's in my garage. You need 98 pairs of shoes? I got em. Looking for a table and chairs? Got em right here. I have every lawn gadget they make...you guessed it...in my garage. I have luggage, bikes, a raft, rakes, paint, turtle wax, a giant Tweety Bird from the State Fair 3 years ago and anything else you can imagine. I just wish my car would fit in there. That is what a garage is for isn't it?

We have 3 TV's and two DVD players...I won't bore you with the rest of the stuff but let's face it...I can't get rid of the junk. Garbage days have came and went. Garage sale seasons have gone by (about 4 of them) and the stuff just keeps on sitting there.

I would love to jump in my car this winter and not have to scrape the windows. I would love to get into a nice warm car. I would love to put Workmen's Comp in my car and let the engine run with the garage door closed. I can't.

Even though I am broken from toe to neck I am dedicating this week to cleaning out my garage and having a free for all via Craigslist. If there is anything you need let me know because chances are I have it. I would rather you come and get it and not a stranger.

So, if you lost a shoe on the freeway I just might have the match.

D4

Why is it that when you order chinese food they always go by a code letter and number. Here is the conversation I had with the Asian lady at Moy's.

Lady: How may I helpoo

Me: Sweet and Sour chicken

Lady: One D4, any ting else?

Me: General Tso

Lady: D3. Any ting else?

Me: Sesame Chicken

Lady: One D8 any ting else?

Me: An order of Shrimp Egg Foo Young

Lady: One C12

Then she screamed it back to the cook. (No I wasn't at Golden Bowl)

I got home and got ready to serve my family. I opened the boxes and saw D84765 and D834957.

My food had white rice instead of fried rice. I called the place and she told me to bring the food back.

I asked her if she could put my name in a book cuz I wasn't coming back there with a starving family waiting to eat.

She said "no no book. you come back I make right" I told her "no no you should make right first time." She told me "bye-bye" and hung up on me.

My First Love

Over the Thanksgiving weekend I drank something that made me fall in love with my taste buds.

My sister bought me a hot apple cider carmel whipped cream drink at Caribou Coffee. It was the best thing I've tasted in years. I can't get it out of my mind. I have to have one but it's so fattening. I wake up in the middle of the night sweating just thinking about having one. I've been having daily fights with myself.

Ann and I went to Twelve Oaks today and she went into Starbucks. I know there is nothing for me in Starbucks because I don't drink coffee. I went in with her and my eyes scanned the menu. They had the exact same drink that Caribou Coffee does. I was so happy. I didn't have a penny on me but like a junkie... I had to get that drink.

If you're totally honest don't read the rest of this post but if you're like me (a minor scammer) keep on reading...

I ordered the drink. The biggest one they had. I told the woman that my name was in 'the book' because they messed up my order last time. She said ok and asked for my name. I told her Peaches Peabody (Ann was cracking up in the background.) The woman went in the back room to look for "the book" then came out and told the guy making my drink that I didn't have to pay. How likely do you think it is that Peaches Peabody had a messed up drink order at the Twelve Oaks Starbucks?

Good Luck Sister!

I'm hoping that Alisa has a good time at the dentist today. Her plastic tooth thingy hurts my heart everytime I looked at her smile. I feel bad she has to wear it because her biggest fear in the world is having something stuck in her teeth and not knowing it.

You could make a nice salad with what get's stuck in there...minus the meat.

Let's get this ordeal over with and get you back to that beautiful smile you wear.

We can have a "get rid of the plastic tooth thingy" party and drive your car over it then throw in in Lake Michigan.

You MUST be Crazy!

Just got back from my pain doctor. He wants to give me eight shots. One in my thigh, two in my back, one in my hip, and one in my calf. Each place needs two shots. One to numb and one filled with the magic potion. The numbing shot doesn't numb the area enough because I can still feel it. I can feel the fluid running through my veins and it's not a good feeling. Needless to say...I made another appointment for that shot visit. There was no way I was going through that alone.

The pain in my leg and back is so bad I find myself not acting like myself. People have been asking me if I'm ok cuz I'm acting different. I have finally figured out that I haven't been myself lately. I'm going to change that.

Oh this post wasn't made to sound like I want pity cuz I don't. What I do want is a cheeseburger from Red Coat Tavern and a big ass bowl of their clam chowder soup. OH does that sound good right now! How much weight do you think I'll gain with that lunch?

I'll try blogging more often. I haven't been in the mood.