Thoughts...

Right now. At this moment. I'm thinking of a million things at once. I'm finding it hard to remember any type information because my mind is whirling in different directions.

Thoughts way too deep. Here are some of my current thoughts. The ones that I can express at this moment. Right now.

How do things fall apart? Can they ever be fixed?

Days come and days go. No matter what goes on you always have tomorrow to make it right or wrong.

Everyone has problems. It's how you deal with them that matters.

What are the right reasons and what makes them right? Who is to say if they are right or wrong?

Do you believe in tit for tat?

Does the arrival of something new mean get rid of something old?

How do you know if someone is being true?

When is the right time?

Nothing is a sure thing.

Is someone elses garbage someone elses treasure?

How do you make a decision? What is it based on?

Do you really live for the moment when things can change within seconds?

Is there a sale at Target?

I need answers.

YIKES! What Was That?!?!?!

Poor Bebe. Weighing in at 10 lbs with fur that weights 4 lbs not only snores like he's a 350 lb man with Sleep Apnea but he thinks he's so big and tough. He growls at Saint Bernards, barks at at a Pitbull like he's going to rip a head off , Bebe is only a little short chicken. Shhh, don't tell him. Don't want him to get a complex.

We had to get Invisible Fence. We aren't allowed to get a regular ole picket or chain link. The city won't allow it. Dumb. So, we shelled out the money. We had to do what we had to do.

The police came by more than once to let us know that the next time my dog gets out they'll take him.

The Invisible Fence trainer was a very nice woman. She was very patient and knows her stuff. She would come out 3 times to train. The first day Bebe loved her (I think you know where I'm going with this) by the 3rd day Bebe wanted to gnaw her leg off. The "correction" (we call it a shock) was mild at first. Bebe didn't feel a thing. She bumped up the current and Bebe didn't want to go outside anymore. He would run under the bed when we asked him if he wanted to go outside. Finally by the third day and dragging Bebe outside he was tricked. The trainer stood on the other side of the Invisible Fence with a piece of cheese and Bebe fell for it. The "correction" was on full blast by this time. Bebe ran for the cheese, passed the line he never should have crossed... he screamed, jumped in the air, folded in half and came down running his little tail off. Bebe broke records. He not only broke the sound of speed but he yelped so loud windows shattered, car alarms went off and dogs 5 miles down started barking. Bebe would never leave the porch again.

I want my money back. I don't need Invisible Fence anymore. It's been almost a month and not a rabbit or a 40 lb brick of swiss cheese would get him to leave that porch.

Just Remembering...

Ever love someone really fast and really hard? It happened to me. I guess the faster and harder you love...you can get hurt just as hard and just as fast. I'm thinking about a time in my life that hit me like a ton of bricks falling from a 9,000 story building. That's a huge blow.

We met. At a local spot. Hadn't seen each other in forever. Hadn't planned on seeing him again. Ever. But people run into one another either through an e-mail, through a friend or maybe just by chance. You never think or have a thought about him until one day...he's just there. BOOM! He's there. After that encounter of talking, meeting or whatever...something clicks. A light goes on. The fattest lightbulb that could illuminate an entire country is shining on that one person. A prize on a game show - the spotlight is just shining on that object and you see nothing else. That's what happened. That night the beam of light was so bright over his head that nothing else could be seen. I held my breath for a quick second then let it go. My heart fluttered. My heart stopped. He was looking so beautiful. So stunning. So mature. I stand there taking him all in. Smelling him through his coat during our generous tight hug. "It's so good to see you!" He says to me. "It's SO good to see you!" I reply. I'm thinking about never letting this man go.

Time goes by. Not a long time but long enough to understand the basics. Time goes by just long enough to understand him and where he's coming from and where he's going. We share so much together. It's an instant bond. Likes and dislikes are the same. There is no fakeness. No airs. This is how he is and this is how I am. Genuine. Like peanut butter and jelly.

As time went by feelings developed. Very strong feelings. My thoughts would be on him when I woke up and continue throughout the day. Going to sleep was easy thinking about him next to me. That's how love begins.

It was quick and I didn't see it coming. I fell in love. Someone that just did everything right from start to finish. Someone that said and did the right things exactly on time. Never missed a beat. Ever smiled with your heart? He did that to me. Something I've never felt in my entire life. You could count on him. He was there every second of the way. He was very special to me. I loved him and now he's gone. It wasn't my choice.

I could get a shovel and throw away the pieces of heart he broke off but 10 minutes later there would be more to pick up. A never ending battle.

I wonder if he's happy. I wonder if he thinks of me. It's a sad love story.

I'm Bacccckkkkk!

WOW! It's good to be back. I took a few months off because frankly, I had nothing to write about. These past few months have been filled with pain and not doing much of anything. This rainy weather today is making me ache but I refuse to let this run my life. I will and can be stronger. Mind over matter? Yes, that's what I'll chaulk it up to.

I've been in deep deep thought as my life has been turning and twisting. Many things have been happening and I've gotten off track.

I've been so uplifted lately. I'm happy. I've been singing. I'm finding out who I am again. My likes and dislikes...

I've figured out a lot about myself in the last few months.

1. I love working out. You leave the gym with so much energy! It's becoming 2nd nature.

2. I'm a very picky person. There are things that I would just accept. But I won't anymore. I like that new part of my life.

3. Things irk me that never did before. Being home from work has opened my eyes. I don't enjoy cleaning and cooking everyday for people that don't appreciate my work. I will clean the house and then 5 minutes later there are dishes in the sink, shit spilled or dropped all over the floor and so many other things. My cooking has always been just "alright." No more. I won't make anything special because it's never good enough.

4. I enjoy Facebook. I take it as a joke. I say anything and everything I can. I like to shock people. I love reconnecting with old friends. I express myself and write whatever I'm thinking at that moment.

5. Barak Obama gave me the chills 3 times during his speech last night. He is a powerful speaker and I look forward to seeing his ideas come to life.

6. My sister has become my sole confidant. I tell her everything and she never judges me. If I'm happy...she's happy. I love her.

7. No one can make you unhappy unless you let them. I refuse to be unhappy because you are. I won't let your problems be mine. I just want to be drama free and if you're trying to bring me down...you will go yourself cuz I'm not taking that trip with you.

8. I will be a better person.

9. I will remain strong

10. I am 40 and will not spend another day unhappy.

11. I have set goals for myself and will make sure they are in place very soon.

12. Positive thoughts brings positive actions.

That's all I have to say. I have been uplifted.