The Doll

Barbie is a bitch. She owns everything. She's cute, skinny and never has to worry about what to wear. Her make-up and hair is always perfect (unless your little sister cuts all of her hair off.) She has her own jet, camper, Mercedes, Corvette, has loyal friends and her boyfriend Ken has been around since 1937. She's a bitch. She's a lesbian. I know because one time in 1972 my friend Marnie and I made her kiss Midge.

Today I took my daughter to get her homecoming dress. In the parking lot I saw Barbie crushed by car tires. Barbie, with oil stains on her dress, hair a mess, one leg obviously broken..the bitch was still smiling. Does nothing make her unhappy? She got ran over in the parking lot of T.J. Max! By a car! She's still happy as hell! I kicked Barbie and made her flat smiling face fly across the parking lot. She was over by Radio Shack now. We shopped. She found what a 14 year old considers a perfect dress then as we were coming out of the store guess who I bumped into. Barbie. I leaned over and asked Barbie what in the hell was she doing over here. I thought I dropped her off by Radio Shack. My daughter thought I was crazy. I told her "Barbie is following me. I just kicked her plastic ass down to the handicapped section by Radio Shack and she's back." Briana looked at me like I was crazy. I laughed and picked Barbie up. She looked a mess. "EWWWW" my daughter said when I picked her up. I took Barbie by her head and threw her in the garbage. She should have a proper burial. I didn't want to risk the chance of running into her again when we came out of Coney Island. That would have been too scarry!