What's your Sign?

Hi, my name is Larry and I'm a Aries.

Hi Larry! My name is Beth and I'm a Gemini.

Who gives a shit?

I think astrological signs are dumb and people that actually believe in them are dumb too. Sorry Dionne Warwick. Sorry Latoya Jackson. Not sorry Horoscope section of the newspaper. Whatever it says in the newspaper could be for anyone. "You'll get a surprise today!" "You need more rest." blah blah blah.

Now, a fortune cookie...those are real. They tell the truth. They never lie. I believe in them. The Chinese Zodiac paper placemat you get at your table. That's true. I'm happy I'm a monkey because I would hate to be the Cock. I think anyone that is the Cock hates it too. Everything it says about me on that placemat is so true. Everything it says about my husband is true too.

Remember Zodiac jewelery? It's trying to make a comeback. It can stay in the past along with nugget rings, stirrup pants and the soft drink "Tab."

I am a Palm Reader. I am good. It all started one day at work when a security guard A.K.A. Hall Monitor was having troubles. He was a nice man and I felt bad. I told him I could figure out his problem if I could read his palm. He laughed and handed me his palm. This was totally a joke. I knew nothing about this man or palm reading but wanted to make him feel better and get a laugh outta him.

I looked at his palm and told him he had a kid no one knew about. I swear to you on my life - I was 9823759827372345% correct. He couldn't believe it...I couldn't believe it. We both looked at each other. He looked at me because he was in shock. I looked at him for the same reason. I kid you not. This is the truth.

I took my unknown talent on the road. I read palms at DTE Energy. In the VIP section before opening acts to keep the VIP's entertained. I made over $100 in tips in one hour. There was a cultural show at OPHS. I set up one table & two chairs. My little table was the most popular attraction at the entire show. The Arabic table with all of it's elaborate food, decorations, and music...no one was even looking at it. The table from Mexico all jazzed up with candy and fancy quilts...no one even noticed. My line was so long and so many people gathering around it was crazy! I was told not to come back.

I had teachers that I worked with have me come to their cars and read their palms during breaks. I was right on the money. I told them things no one knew. I read their fortunes.

I don't know how this happened. I don't take it as special powers and I don't read the palm of anyone I know.

Ask anyone about my ability to palm read and they'll tell you. I'm an expert.

This is not a joke. This is 100% for real. People ask me all of the time to read their palms. I love to do it.

So, how can anyone pick up a newspaper, open up to the Horoscope section and actually think that it's talking to them? There are about 100,000 people that read the Free Press. Sounds kinda funny don't you think?

Anyone want to know what my sign is? It's DOLLAR SIGN!