Guess My Age

I decided to have a facelift for my 40th birthday. I spent $5,000 and feel pretty good about the results. On my way home, I stop at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving I say to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?" About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 40," I say happily.

A little while later I go into McDonald's and ask the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." I reply, "Nope I'm 40." Now I'm feeling really good about myself. I stop in a drug store on my way down the street. I go up to the counter to get some mints and ask the clerk this burning question. The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again, I proudly respond, "I am 40, but thank you."

While waiting for the bus to go home, I ask an old man waiting next to me the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are." We wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of me. I finally blurt out, "What the hell, go ahead." He slips both of his hands under my blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast...He gently pinches each nipple. He pushes my breasts together and rubs them against each other. After a couple of minutes of this, I say, "Okay, okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of my breasts, removes his hands, and says. "Madam, you are 40." Stunned and amazed, I say, "That was incredible, how could you tell?" The old man replies, "promise you won't get mad?" "I promise! I won't" I say. He replies, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."